1. Pure Obsession (Finn) - Chapter Five


    Date: 10/9/2014, Categories: Reluctance, Author: SITTING, Rating: 20, Source: LushStories

    she frowned. “A human. A pretentious, materialistic human being. We don’t have a connection. I just grew up around you.” She almost rolled her eyes. “You know that’s not true.” “It is fucking true.” I snapped, snatching my hand away from hers. “I never felt anything. I never… I just sat in the middle of your fights and tried to decide who I hated more, okay? You and Dad were just people. We weren’t a family.” “That’s not true.” She looked at me hard. “Why are you lying to yourself?” I dragged my hands through my hair and glanced over at Alessandra. Her back was towards us. A couple of people were watching me, like my frustration entertained them. I lowered my voice. “Mum, I need you to go. I can’t deal with this right now.” “This isn’t you, Finn.” Her voice was soft. “You can’t pretend to be something you’re not.” I swallowed hard, trying to stop her words penetrating the shield I’d created. “And you can’t pretend that my life before her was better than it is now.” “Can I at least meet her?” “No.” I snapped. “You don’t fit. I can’t be in your world and her world at the same time.” “Finn, we’re all in the same world. Listen to yourself, you sound insane.” I laughed. “A sane person in an insane world would sound insane.” There was silence. She looked at me like she was trying to look through me, trying to find the little boy she remembered from all those years ago. But he was long gone. Children grew up, saw the world, lost their innocence and changed. Murderers weren’t born ...
    murderers; the world turned them into murderers. And whatever I’d been when I was a kid, whatever the hell she remembered, a little boy who got excited by the toy in the bottom of the cereal box, he no longer existed. The past was over and it wasn’t coming back. “I’ll leave you to it,” she said, finally. “I can’t pretend to understand, but maybe we can talk sometime soon?” “Maybe,” I said shortly. I turned away, too worked up to go back to Alessandra, too awkward to stay standing there. I headed into the toilets and threw cold water onto my face, tried to stop thinking about everything my mum had said. I hated remembering. I always tried to avoid looking back and regretting. I would have preferred to forget it all, forget all the mistakes and start each day with a clean slate. But even though I tried to repress them, my mind brought up the memories. I remembered going to the funfair with my parents, persuading mum to go on the rollercoaster, and even though she hated it, she sat next to me, her hand clinging tightly to mine. I remembered her reading books to me, taking care of me when I was ill, buying me an ice-lolly after I’d been to the dentist. All those little things I’d never even thought about - and then it had all stopped. I didn’t know why it had stopped. Was it my fault? Her fault? Or was the blame mutual? I stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw myself for what I was. Disloyal, pretentious, deceitful. I lied to Alessandra, I lied to myself. All of a sudden, I ...
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