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The Wham Bam Theory
Date: 11/3/2014, Categories: Humor, Author: MasterJonathan, Rating: 5, Source: LushStories
Elizabeth said. "I still say it is a sad excuse to get inebriated and act like a bunch of immature primates! Imagine the multitude of diseases and lord knows what that will be in that mob of hot sweaty bodies rubbing all over each other in their attempt to do what can only be classified as a mating ceremony! Pishh!" he said, derisively. Elizabeth remained quiet knowing she couldn't argue with him. She looked down dejectedly at the floor. Andrew noted her sudden quietness. "Okay, I will make a deal with you. If I haven't got anything more important to do the night of the party, I will take you - strictly for observational purposes," he said, "I won't go to the game... I simply have no desire whatsoever to see grown men running headlong into each other. But I will take you to the party afterwards, if you insist on watching the rutting rituals of these barbarians!" With the agreement reached, they waited until the night before the big game. That night Elizabeth called Andrew up. "Hello?" Andrew said, when his cellphone began ringing the theme to Star Trek. "Hello Andrew, this is Elizabeth. In accordance with our previously agreed upon arbitration, tomorrow night is the university's homecoming game and subsequent after-party. It was agreed that if you didn't have anything more important to do, that you would accompany me to the party. Now do you or do you not have anything more pressing to do?" "Sadly, no. I shall abide by the terms of our agreement. What time is the party and ... when should I come by for you?" he said, sounding slightly moody. "The party is supposed to start at 8:00 p.m. so to be socially accurate, we should probably arrive between 8:00 and 8:20. We don't want to seem too eager nor do we wish to offend our host," Elizabeth said. "Agreed. Very well I shall be at your home at 8:00 tomorrow night then, to give you ample time for your preparations." "Thank you for the consideration. I will see you then." and Elizabeth hung up the phone. The night of the party, Andrew arrived promptly at the agreed upon time. Knocking three times as he always did (Andrew suffered from OCD and this was one of his repetitive habits), Elizabeth answered the door. "Hello Andrew, please come in," she said. "I just have to get my jacket." Elizabeth got her jacket and being raised in the South, Andrew minded his manners and helped her with her jacket. "You will have to drive Elizabeth, I don't drive," Andrew informed her as he put her jacket over her shoulders so as not to mess up her dress. "But how did you get here then?" she asked. "I took the bus to the bus stop on 5th and Elm Street and then walked the remaining three blocks," he said. "Very well, we can take my car," she said. So Elizabeth drove them to the party. As they drove, Elizabeth said, "I hope I look okay - my sister helped me get ready. She helped pick out this dress and did my hair and makeup. She knows a lot more about that sort of thing than I do." "You look suitable for the circumstances," he ...