1. The Wham Bam Theory


    Date: 11/3/2014, Categories: Humor, Author: MasterJonathan, Rating: 5, Source: LushStories

    Andrew sat in the university cafeteria eating his lunch alone. He always took his lunch at the same time and at the same table. He always had the same lunch too - a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (light on the jelly) with the crusts cut off, a small glass of milk, and four Oreo Doublestuff cookies. Andrew liked things to stay the same... he hated change and anything that was new or different just ruined his day. Andrew worked at the university in the science department as an astrophysicist. His current work was in trying to determine the properties of dark matter. Andrew was a genius - his IQ score was tested at 172, so he was very intelligent and book smart. Unfortunately, his intelligence did not spill over into the social skills. His exceptional brilliance made him quite arrogant and he felt superior to everyone around him. He didn't really mind, as he found most people wearisome and tedious. He didn't have a lot of use for people or their insipid problems. He had bigger, more important things to concern himself with! Elizabeth also worked at the same university, but in the biology department. While she did not have the same "genius" IQ level as Andrew, she was still very bright and had a PhD in her field of study - genetics research. Elizabeth too, suffered from a lack of social skills - try as she might, she just simply didn't fit in with the other girls, and the boys didn't even see her. So she was a social outcast like Andrew, destined to live alone with no ...
    friends and no one to share her life with. But unlike Andrew, who would be perfectly content to spend the rest of his life with the only person he felt he could feel comfortable with - himself - Elizabeth very much wanted to find someone she could call her own. She wanted the whole "small house with a white picket fence, a husband and three kids" kind of life. She wanted the companionship and the intimacy of a relationship with a boy. Truth be told, Elizabeth was a closet nymphomaniac - except that she had no one she could exercise her sexual impulses with. On this early spring day as Andrew ate his lunch, Elizabeth came in for her lunch break as well. Finding all the tables full, she wandered around with her tray for awhile looking for someplace to sit down. The only available table was the one Andrew was sitting at, so she walked up to him to ask if she could sit there. "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" she asked. "No," Andrew said, not even looking up. So Elizabeth sat down at the table. "Now hold on! What are you doing?" he asked, rather shocked at her impetuousness. "You said no one was sitting here," she said. "Yes, but you didn't ask if you could. You just assumed. Perhaps I was waiting for someone!" he said. "I'm sorry. May I sit here?" she asked. "I don't see why not. No one else is," he said, going back to his lunch. Elizabeth began eating and found the cafeteria food sadly lacking in taste. "Please pass the salt," she asked Andrew who had it closer to himself. ...
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