1. the Night Whispers Index -4


    Date: 9/11/2015, Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Taboo, Author: stif266, Rating: 100, Source: xHamster

    she didn't make it ... oh, Penelope!&#034 It didn't really sink in then. I knew tremendous loss and anguish in slow motion. I felt like I was out of my own body, watching myself cry, watching myself give in to the grief. I saw myself from a distance, the warmth of my mother's embrace around someone else's body. I could see my father crying, eyes red and filled with tears as he wrapped his arms around us. Even as I felt the sadness, I stood apart from it, not allowing myself to believe it true, not letting myself accept that my mother was telling the truth. &#034No!&#034 I screamed. &#034No! She's not dead! No!&#034 &#034Oh, Penelope ... I'm so, so sorry...&#034 Mom cried into my neck. &#034I'm so sorry...&#034 &#034No!&#034 I screamed that word over and over until my throat had become too thick to speak. My eyes were on fire, my body thick, my mind heavy, and I felt utterly lost, not myself. We went to the hospital where she'd been taken a while later, all of us still crying. I was a zombie following blindly, shadowing my parents as they talked quietly to a doctor, then shuffling without thought along as we went to the morgue. My mom made me wait outside and I was more distraught at being left alone. A nurse tried to console me, but it took two orderlies to restrain me when I rushed for the door to see my s****r. I found out later that her body had been mangled and broken. I suppose I'm glad not to have seen my beautiful s****r that way. But in those days and weeks which ...
    followed, I couldn't help feeling a distinct loss at not saying goodbye, and I blamed myself for being the one to talk Jackie into trying to visit that weekend. It had been my pleading, my selfish need to see her again, which had led her to beg favors of her friends, finally getting a ride home to be with me. I cried with my head on my arms on the dining room table. I was aware that Kira stood next to me, holding my shoulders, softly stroking my arms. &#034Oh, Mom ... I'm sorry...&#034 I had compartmentalized my memories of Jackie. It wasn't that I planned it. Thoughts of my s****r were torn from me, everything about Jackie which reminded me of her loss wrapped tightly and buried. I think I was defending myself, refusing to deal with the grief. The more time passed, the less often I felt the memories trying to surface, to the point where I'd grown an opaque shell around those memories. My s****r had been lost in my past. I forgot what we did, forgot how she'd taught me about myself and about intimacy. I hid from myself the fact that she'd even existed. &#034No,&#034 I finally managed to squeak. &#034I'm sorry ... I ... I forgot about her ... I didn't want to remember anything after she was gone ... I never talked about her because ... I'd let those memories go. I locked them away. I loved her so much, Kira ... I loved Jackie...&#034 Kira was quiet a moment. &#034Jackie ... like ... Jacqueline?&#034 &#034Yes...&#034 I whispered. &#034From the letter...&#034 &#034Yes...&#034 &#034I ...
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