1. Pain and pleasure (la douleur exquise) Part 1


    Date: 6/18/2015, Categories: BDSM, Author: Sapiophile25, Rating: 3, Source: LushStories

    to.” I felt anchored to the ground. “Yes, you have to.” He kept nodding, answering for me, as if to say, nothing I said would matter or affect the outcome. I could have swooned. He was a picture of sadistic mirth with fatherly eyes that sought my hurt and helplessness. As if to ease the pain that my eyes betrayed, he kissed me, ever so furtively. He left and I ran to catch my train. I looked back again to catch sight of him one last time, to take what I could of him, but he was already gone. Sitting amongst strangers on my way home, I experienced an ineffable sense of euphoria, a prolonged state of orgasm that left its physical source, my brain, painlessly throbbing. My breathing strained, my heart racing, my underwear wet, nobody could have known. I had given myself and come back with more. Chapitre 3 My Master, at my request, has ordered me not to get in touch with him for a while, until he contacts me. Oh what relief, what respite! I am left with delicious yet unnerving anticipation for my next order, a chance to be in his presence, a moment to bask in the lull of his assertive words. In its unequivocalness, I find solace in his command. He has taken away my anxiety, a part of his onerous responsibility. As I enjoy a slow immersion into this world, I have chosen to educate myself about the nature of the relationship I wish ...
    to entertain with him. I can imagine him telling me that I am doing this to impress him, to please him. He would be right. He would also be wrong to forget that I am a smart, wilful individual. I am the embattled submissive. I want to tell him, reassure him, that it is not him I fantasise about, but all those ineffable qualities about him carried through by the power he so gracefully exercises over me. Sometimes, I worry that I may be trying to outsmart Master, or worse, that I am smarter, deceiving not just him, but myself as well. I am wary of reverting to my dominant disguise. I delight in wielding power that only serves to confuse and frustrate me. I am the embattled submissive, a self-saboteur. I will find myself in the role, in the man I submit to. The more I give of myself, the more self-aware I am. I do not desire Master. I desire his approval as I have desired others’ approval of me. I wonder if others I tried to please desired my desire for their approval as Master does. Master wants to see me try to please him. In my attempt to achieve that, I gain the satisfaction and fulfilment that comes from knowing my desire for approval is wanted. And the mirth it results in, I have been denied for far too long. I feel no shame, only trepidation that Master cannot, in his capabilities, take me there. Will he be a good Master?
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