1. Pain and pleasure (la douleur exquise) Part 1


    Date: 6/18/2015, Categories: BDSM, Author: Sapiophile25, Rating: 3, Source: LushStories

    Chapitre 1 I am a control freak. I know this even though my Master says he sees no dominant qualities in me. He sees the person I want to be with him, the person that seeks solace in and from the psychological turmoil her parents wrecked on her over the years. I did what they said, obeyed, never made a mistake, always made the right choices - their choices - but came out of it a fully-fledged adult. It was a lifetime of being mind-fucked by my own parents whom I love, venerate, and resent. I am an over-thinker, embattled by my pursuit for control over a life unlived. I had once hungered for it but the control I wish to exercise on my life slips away from me the more I try to hold onto it. Now I am stupendously lost. In my thoughts. In my mind, a consoling labyrinth, in its solitude. Nothing makes any sense and nothing stays in the same place for long. Fleeting thoughts, I am constantly distracted by nothing. That relentless whirlwind of nagging guilt, a hangover from my upbringing, is there to remind me that I need to stop and to continue. I have always submitted in life. To my parents. I relinquished the volition to rebel without any memory of doing so. It was consoling, the power they wielded, no matter how hard they were on me. I am that little girl you want to take in, the receptive little girl. In this fashion, I yearn to be a child again and yet, I hated every moment of my carefree childhood. I have, for a long time, relished my complexity as a human being. I am ...
    forever elusive, even to myself. Constant oscillation, and the whirlwind makes its appearance again. Who am I beneath this skin and these bones that seemingly link me to others around me? Who do they know resides there? It excites me to entertain these thoughts. But I am lost. Lost in a conscious way. Lost in an “I am not lost” way. I met my Master in the flesh this week. I grew more aware with the subjugation of every logical thought that had tried to rush through my head. There was nothing to decide, only to stop deciding. My senses had never been so fine-tuned. The intensity of the exhilaration that had me in delectable knots, it was a moment of wilful sedation wherein my senses had suddenly stopped being dull. There was an acute sense of awareness, and I went into my submissive state like a child, taken by the hand. I was dizzied by the dissociation that occurred as I simultaneously both lived and witnessed this experience. I submitted to myself and to my Master. I submitted to stop deciding, and to take him in. I took what I could of him in, and played around with it, in my wetness. I keep telling him I’m no ordinary submissive. I am a natural-born submissive, conscious of her dominant abilities. A coping mechanism that had arisen from a lifetime of conditioning. My parents wanted me to be a submissive from the outside, for them, and a dominant on the inside, for others. A submissive from the inside, for them, and a dominant from the outside, for others. They wanted a ...
«1234...6»