1. Note To Self


    Date: 11/27/2014, Categories: Bisexual, Author: blin18, Rating: 6, Source: LushStories

    incident at the kindergarten barbecue, then maybe it would be guilt. Maybe I could deal with that more easily. Heck, maybe I would have forgotten about it by now. Forgotten about her by now. It was the dream; that’s what feels shameful … even though it shouldn’t. Nothing that feels that good should feel shameful. If only ‘good’ was all it felt; but it felt right , too. Shit, I’ve been at this for over an hour now and I’ve gotten exactly nowhere. Are you still reading, Nick? Are you bored yet? Confused? Disgusted? How could you be; I haven’t actually said anything; not anything of substance. Is there even anything substantive to tell? There must be; I can still feel it inside me. I started this wretched journal to get it out where I could deal with, so let’s have at it. ‘The Incident’, capital-I, inverted commas, the works. Geez, chill-pill Anna; it sounds like one of those apocalypse TV dramas like Revolution; where they refer to some shadowy event in the past that wiped out civilization. It was nothing so macabre. I feel like saying something trite like “but it rocked my world”, but it sounds so … well, trite! Even reading it back, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s how I feel. Is that weird? That complex emotions can be so aptly described by a stupid, clichéd phrase? Is anyone still reading? Is Anna ever going to grow a set and actually write down what happened rather than every single fucking girly emotion that courses through her estrogen-soaked walking corpse? ~~~ It was ...
    the kindergarten barbecue. It’s Jimmy’s first year at kinder; geez, it seems like he was a baby just last week. The barbecue was put on by the parents’ committee as a getting-to-know-you sort of thing. Most of the Moms turned up and about a third of the Dads; that’s modern parenting for you. Nick was there. I’m proud of him for that. He was probably just networking and drumming up local contracting business; I know how he loves local jobs. He gets to sleep in (until 6:30am! But that’s contracting and he walked into it eyes open) and sometimes he comes home for lunch. I do shifts, so sometimes I’m home when he does; and if I’ve just come off a late-shift and Jimmy is with his Nona then I might still be in bed and … well … I guess I love it too when he has local jobs. A few of the Moms introduced themselves. I remembered all of their names, but that’s the police training, not because I clicked with any of them. Most of the ones there without husbands were stay-at-home Moms whose lives revolve around their kids. I’m not judging them as more or less worthy than me, we just don’t have a lot in common. Often at that type of thing, you don’t get to socialize because you’re busy supervising kids; but that’s one attraction of a kinder function: the kids all know each other, they’re locked in, and the play equipment is all age appropriate. I followed Jimmy around for a little while, but he didn’t seem to need me so I drifted away. Like every barbecue in North America since Columbus first ...
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