1. Emotional Detachment from ones' self in what


    Date: 11/11/2014, Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Taboo, Author: uber_omar, Rating: 100, Source: xHamster

    I have enjoyed, quite a bit sexually in my life. I enjoy looking at women, as much as I love fucking my wife. Let's clear up looking so there is no confusion, porn. I would say my desire for controlling ones emotions and dominating a woman came before my first (remembered) sexual encounter. My first girlfriend was not into many things, but one thing never slipped away from my mind. She was tainted. She had another man's initials on her inner right thigh, and this drove me beyond insane everytime I saw it. Flesh, once submitted to me, is mine. and in order for me to feel 100% at ease with the idea of another man inflicting wounds on her body, I would emotionally tear her apart about not being able to speak of this persons death. If I could not have her whole body.. I would know at least her spirit was mine. I really had no idea that this style of "love" was borderline abuse in some eyes, and complete sadistic control in others. It has how I have always been. Little backstory before I continue on with learning more of myself. I have constantly had an urge/desire to inflict pain upon myself, as well as others for sexual satisfaction. I remember when I was younger, the first time I was sexually attracted to f****y members, was after one had left me alone with now convicted p**o and r****t (her boyfriend). So trust me, I know I have abandonment issues among other things. Sexual pleasure has always been something that allowed me to vent whatever. I found I enjoyed a bit of pain ...
    with that also. I can't think back much on who I was when I was younger because there is so much emotion that comes with that area of my brain that I want to blow it away with a bullet. Most of that side of my life came after the encounter with the r****t. Not understanding the enjoyment of breaking a****ls legs, mutilating , strangling and anything else to hear them in pain.. Not going any further with that one. Hell, I can't remember anything before that. I had suffered horrid terrors of seeing my father come home from being in another city working, walking up to me and strangling me in my bed. I had shut compassion out of my head and heart. I was 13. So moving back to first girlfriend.. I guess I was still projecting a life of pain and lonliness on her, by trying to know that there was someone that I could confide in 100%. Yet, felt hindered by this person in HER past. Things got messed up, she messed around with some guy, I was ready to take the party to him and fix what was coming back from my past. Abandonment. Insecurity. Failure. Didn't need to however, he tried taking the party to me with 7 of his other "buddies". Had police not seen that one person was surrounded by 7 people, at least 4 of them would not be here. When we broke up, her mother took a very fast liking to being around with me alone, at my apartment. Cleaning my apartment, doing my clothes, stocking my fridge with beer and candy.(hey, I was 18) When I asked her what was wrong and why she couldn't look at ...
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