1. The Chain: Link 7


    Date: 11/2/2014, Categories: Fantasy & Sci-Fi, Author: PervyStoryteller, Rating: 2, Source: LushStories

    note?” Professor Evans cleared his throat, leaning forwards, wishing he didn’t have to read the thing out loud. “It says, ‘Dear recipient! A well-wisher has chosen you to receive this exceptional gift. Enclosed, you will find a special figurine. This figurine will enable you to experience your deepest sexual desires. All you have to do is kiss it, and recite the incantation below. After that, place the figurine in a prominent location and wait for your desires to be fulfilled. Enjoy!’ ” He got the feeling the woman on the other end of the line was stifling a laugh. He was overcome with rage when she said, “Well, if I received an offer like that, I’d take it up in no time. I’ve got a date this Saturday. A thing like that’d be just the job.” “PC Whippy!” Professor Evans exploded. “You’re an officer of the law, and I am a concerned citizen making a complaint!” “Yes, sir,” the woman said, sounding suitably chastened. “Of course, sir. My apologies, sir.” She paused. “If you don’t mind my saying so, sir, it doesn’t sound a particularly threatening missive.” “That’s hardly the point,” Professor Evans said. “No, sir,” the woman said. “Well, according to subsection 84 of the Unsolicited Mail Act, you are of course entitled to make a formal complaint. Is it your desire to instigate proceedings against the sender, if found?” Professor Evans hadn’t thought that far. It would be a hassle, of course it would. But the chances of the police actually finding the miscreant were probably so ...
    miniscule there wasn’t much chance of that, especially if PC Whippy’s intellectual level was anything to go by. “Of course,” he said. “Then we are obliged to investigate, sir,” the woman said. “Good.” “I will be happy to call at your convenience to collect the offending items and satisfy the requirements of the Internal Data Collection Procedure.” “What?” “You have to fill out certain forms, sir.” “I see. Well, I’m quite happy to do that.” He wasn’t. He was actually regretting this now, but he didn’t want to make a fool of himself by backtracking. “I’ll be at home by six o’clock. Some time between six and seven would be convenient.” He didn’t want the police calling at the university. He was expecting PC Whippy to say something about that being outside of office hours, but all she said was, “Very well, sir. If you’d just give me your address…” Once the conversation was over, Professor Evans leaned back in his chair. The world was indeed mad, he decided. The effrontery of the woman, this PC Whippy; he should lodge a complaint against her too. Suggesting that he should actually be happy to receive this obscene gesture with that silly quip about having a date on Saturday. That reminded him that he himself had a date coming up on Saturday. No, not a date. He didn’t go on dates. He hadn’t done anything that could remotely be construed as a date since his wife had died in that tragic accident six years ago that he didn’t like to think about. But just recently he had begun to have ...
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