1. A Little Place Called Heaven


    Date: 9/28/2015, Categories: Humor, Author: WritersFriend, Rating: 1, Source: LushStories

    because of the massive engorgement it seemed cemented on. I took my flick knife from my pocket and snapped it open. “Jesus, no!” Jake yelled, his eyes bulging like a frog’s. I slid the knife tip between the band and his phallus and in a quick motion sliced it off. In an instant Mrs. Periwinkle grabbed his shaft and started jerking it again. A geyser of semen rocketed out, shooting up onto his face and into his gasping mouth, the remnants lathering his chest and his protruding belly. As Jake coughed and spluttered to clear his throat, I grabbed Mrs. Periwinkle and carried her to the bedroom. I threw her inside and slammed the door. Then I went over and started untying Jake. “Jesus, Jake!” I said. “What about our deal?” “I didn’t rape her,” he said. “What happened?” “We were playing gin and knocking back a few, and she was trouncing me. She’s a sharp, Cap. Who’d’a thunk? Anyway, I was getting a little tipsy, and she was looking real good, flirting with me and everything. And then she bet me that she could give me the most memorable handjob I’d ever had. I said, ‘Hardly likely,’ and she said, “Put your money where your mouth is.’” “How did she get you tied down?” “She started muttering something about fifty grades of shay. I was half in the bag, and she convinced me it’d be more intense this way.” “It’s not fifty grades of shay, Jake, it’s Fifty Shades of Grey ! Haven’t you ever heard about that?” Jake looked sheepish. “Nope, you got me there, Cap. Anyway, next thing I know ...
    she’s got that elastic band cinched around my pecker and a knife to my throat, ranting about warriors and princesses and tugging my meat like she wanted to rip it off my body. I had to come so bad I could taste it.” You did taste it, you stupid Mick, I thought. “Well, at least she didn’t win the bet,” I said. Jake looked embarrassed. “I hate to admit it, Cap, but…” “Jesus, Jake. How much did you bet her?” “Five hundred.” “Five hundred! Shit! After buying all that stuff for her I only got about a hundred and fifty left.” “That’s not all,” Jake said. “What do you mean?” “I also owe her three hundred on the gin.” “For fuck sake, Jake! How could you spend money we don’t even have?” “I figured we were hitting the old man up for that extra five gees, I could pay it out of that.” I was too mad for more words. “You know, Cap, even though that was the best handjob I ever had, she really had me afraid before you came back. I don’t think I can do this.” “You can’t back out now, Jake. We’re halfway through the deal.” “Sorry, Cap.” “I’ll keep an eye on her so she can’t get to you.” “You can’t watch her all the time. No, I think I gotta bow out of this one. Can you pay her what I owe her out of the ransom?” “I’m not going to pay her anything, Jake! She’s our fucking captive, for Chrissake!” “She made me sign promissory notes.” “What? Who cares? She doesn’t even know your name.” I followed Jake’s eyes over to the cardboard-box playing table. His wallet lay open on it, among a pyramid of beer ...
«12...5678»